What an honor

Hiiiii friends.

It’s been about 6 weeks since I last sat down and had the capacity and desire to write, but I’m happy to be back.

This is the exact reason I started this blog – a creative outlet, a place to blurt out all my thoughts, feelings; but also be able to put it down & pick it back up when I feel led and ready to.

That’s not the only reason I started writing again. I also feel it’s a God given gift of mine, *thank you, Jesus* — with that being said, I wholeheartedly am in belief that with our gifts and talents we are blessed with and given to by God, we are called to use them.

I’m not sure what my gift of putting thoughts into words, connecting with people, memorizing dates(iykyk), digging below the surface, communicating these things efficiently and thoroughly yet in no way watered down or any less passionate is something God can use, BUT I believe He is and will continue to. I believe that because why else would He bless me with it?

You have them too, ya know? These spiritual gifts. Every bit spiritual because of the One who created it within you; though every bit physical because it resides in you and Make it tangible in the world around you.

Okay, whew, I’m going down a rabbit hole.

If you let me, I’ll ramble. God also created me with lots to say – lol. Well probably Him, and I get it honest from my family, too.

One thing’s for sure: I come from a long line of talkers. We love to talk; some loud, some, not many, quiet. Some wise, some passionate. Others experienced, a little(or a lot) opinionated. You get my drift, no matter the circumstances – having a lot of thoughts and words is in my blood; and if you let me, I’ll spill it all out to you. I’m just trying to use it in the ways He wants me to. So let’s get to it.

Guys, we’re stepping into my world of motherhood today.

Does that topic excite you like it does me?!

I adore reading, listening and connecting with other women and our experiences within all things mom life.

The thing that truly changed, stretched and shaped every aspect of our lives as we knew it.

I believe nothing, except for our belief and submission in Jesus and dedicating our lives to following Him, changes us more than becoming parents.

I could write for days and days on this topic alone and never run out of things to say.

However, in honor of me and my baby coming to the end of our breastfeeding journey(🥹), that’s what we’re talking about today.

14 months – we made it to 14 months of Jensen nursing.

The first 14 months of my baby’s life relying on, connecting with, growing from what my body was able to produce.

First things first – God’s creation in humanity, thus pregnancy, conception between man and woman, a woman’s body not just creating but also sustaining life after birth has been the biggest realization for me.

I am in absolute awe of God’s ability, love, and generosity in which He blessed us humans with this capability to experience.

It’s also the closest to Heaven I’ve ever felt on this side of eternity.

Everything about it from intimacy between husband and wife, conception, pregnancy, labor and delivery and parenthood is nothing but holy.

We could never be deserving of getting this close to and experiencing such holiness, but Jesus.

Along with being a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, as well as the Lord blessing me with my husband that doubles as my best friend, becoming a mother is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

Before I speak about my experience with breastfeeding, I want to preface with no matter what your journey looks like, I want to tell you I see you, I respect you and your circumstances.

Whether you breastfed for a week, 6 months. Formula fed, pumped or nursed or both. I believe every situation, circumstance and family is different and their own.

No mom shaming here🤍

For 14 months, my body prioritized:

1. Milk
2. Jensen
3. Then me

It’s incredible.

At 14 months, that’s 436 days.

426 days my hormones worked to regulate, yet naturally resembled a rollercoaster.

From prolactin spiking every single feed, causing shifts in my moods, energy and motivation.

To oxytocin being released thousands of times – leading to those early postpartum uterine contractions to lowering cortisol levels just to later lead to major fatigue.

Estrogen and progesterone being suppressed for months – causing a number of symptoms such as hair shedding and emotional sensitivity.

To cortisol, the stress hormone, being elevated due to natural sleep disruption and on demand feeds in the first year; meaning my body stayed in a semi alert state for a year.

There’s nothing but love, growth, emotion and honor that stirs inside me when I think about all that.

Just the honor I feel to have the opportunity and ability.

We nursed at least 3000 times.

We latched quadruple that.

Spent well over 1000 hours skin to skin while my body nourished the life it created and brought into this world.

Countless ounces produced and delivered.

Feeds every 1-3 hours in the first few months.

8 feeds/day the months following that.

Multiple night wakings until his first birthday.

Honorable mention because no part of me can nor wants to leave this out – my husband woke with me every, single feed. The entire year that my baby was waking up in the night. Not because I asked, I never needed to; because he wanted to.

I’m actually in disbelief and amazed reflecting on that now.

Thank you, Jason. I love, respect and thank you for the partner and daddy you are.

It’s beautiful – the way I helped Jensen, he helped me. Jason helped us both.

The family unit and dynamic in which God intended for us to have and experience. Just wow.

It’s something I will never be desensitized to. Also something I truly hope everyone gets to experience.

The way my body provided Jensen with nourishment, health, antibodies, comfort, safety, security.

The way he provided me with healing, both emotional and physical. How he was able to calm my nervous system. Give me a whole new experience in love and purpose.

Incredible.

You know what I think I appreciate the most of all, though?

The one that can bring tears to my eyes as I think of it.

That our nursing journey instilled secure attachment from the start. From his first moment and breath on earth.

That right from my womb, he knew love.

My innate instinct at a mother to always show up gladly. That I was fully submitted to my calling as his mother and his every need.

His every cry, his every need. When my mind wondered how my body could give any more – how it would show up despite how sore, tired and depleted it was, how would it provide? It always did.

He learned consistency.

His nervous system learned and could rest in knowing that when he was in need, someone was always going to show up for him.

Fear, hunger, separation distress, discomfort; his mom and dad always answered and provided.

I dedicated 14 months of my body to his life, nourishment, feelings, and needs.

The fact that I was able to encourage my beautiful baby to develop trust, love, emotional regulation and a sense of safety is incredible to me.

Truly will forever be one of the greatest honors of my life.

I hope in any way that reading this does something for you.

Inspires, enlightens, entertains – in some way resonates with you.

The only way it’s possible is because of the Lord’s creation of our bodies and what He made us capable to do.

My soul has healed in more ways than one.

I have so much gratitude, amazement, and peace that I was able to do this.

In my experience, there wasn’t one time I wanted to quit.

I think a great deal of this was because we didn’t have too many complications that arose, truly a blessing that I’m not naive to.

I wasn’t sure of how long we would go. My priority was at least a year, however I never wanted to put too much pressure on myself.

Then we got to 12 months and my perspective then became to go until he self weened.

So that’s where we’re at.

Him’s a busy toddler and has decided he’s pretty much done.

I like to be extremely sympathetic when speaking of my experience because not everyone has positive ones.

I also like to testify when telling of my experience that another large part I believe is the mental mindset one can have.

I saw it all as nothing but honor and blessing.

That alone can and will equip you to take on whatever life, motherhood and the world throw at you.

God and determination.

I’ll miss this era we shared. I’ll miss it all.

The car feeds when out and about. Him being upset, but being skin to skin with mama was all he needed. The stepping away from the functions to tend to my baby in the quiet. The looking down at my baby growing from day 1 all the way to now. Seeing how at peace he was while my body provided him with what he needed. The newborn bubble when we fed every hour in the glow of the Christmas lights.

Some may think it’s odd, sexual, or not normal.

I’m here to tell you – that couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s nothing but natural and exactly what God intended.

If you are able to, I would recommend this experience to any and all women.

Your future self and baby will thank you.

I believe we will all get the blessing to see lasting effects of what this hard work and determination helped attribute to.

And to God be all the glory.

Thank you, Lord.

And thank you, reader if you’ve made it this far – listening to me speak on one of the greatest experiences of my life.

If you ever have questions or just want to talk about breastfeeding, motherhood – or heck, anything. I’m here.

I love you guys!

Most importantly,

Jesus loves you.